independent woman

My first born Boris was sickly as a baby. We were on doctor's check up every month not as a precaution but as it was needed then that much, him being sick so often before turning one.

It was my fault, because I wasn't able to take care of myself very well during my first pregnancy. Aside from the fact that I was sickly during that pregnancy, I wasn't taking the vitamins prescribed on a regular basis. I wasn't eating all the right food either, even skipped quite a few meals when I'm angry with my spouse.
I told my self then, I won't let any of my emotions or any thing at all to stop me from eating the right food at the right time when I become pregnant for the second time.

Now that I'm pregnant with our second baby, I'm thinking if I'm doing the right thing. I realized that there's not much change when it comes to the level of difficulty getting through the first trimester. One difference is that I really eat at least three times a day, even if sometimes my tummy doesn't ask for food. I also take my vitamins as often as I could. At least, even if I cannot change the fact that I'm sickly when pregnant, (colds and headaches are frequent) I can tell my self to eat and really eat.

However, I noticed that there's one thing I can't control. I can't control being so emotional. I can't control my temper. I get angry with my spouse easily. And yes, I can't help but cry when he doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through.
I think he thinks I'm just being irrational or over acting. He doesn't seem to understand that I'm not acting that way just because I want to. It just happened that I can't control my self. He must be thinking that I'd be totally dependent on him nowadays because I'm not working and we're gonna have two kids. I even had to tell him that he can do what he wants and leave me if that would suit him. My condition is not a sickness nor a handicap that would prevent me from living a good life without him.

I know I can and will survive even without him around. He doesn't have to be too proud thinking I need him badly.
I know I need him to support me all throughout my pregnancy. However, it doesn't mean I would have to beg him to do that. He may or may not be supportive.

One thing I can assure my spouse, or anyone for that matter, that I will do anything and everything to support my kids. Even if that means I'd do it alone.
After all, I am supposed to be the independent woman he first got to know.


this is me after work, so sungit