it's not easy saying you're sorry

if you think that this is easy for me, you're wrong. It has never been easy for me to have any form of hatred in my heart for you. You're the last person I would want to hate in my life.

How did things start anyway? I happen to do some thing without your permission. You hated the fact that I didn't consult with you first so you got very angry. You started saying hurtful words to me and provoked me to reason out. Then, when I've reasoned out, you got more angry to the point of cursing me. After some time, you were still angry you hurt me physically.

Then what do you expect? You're expecting that I will apologize to you so that you wouldn't be mad any more. You're out there telling everyone that I was really bad because of what I did to you. How about what you did to me? Are they even aware of that? You ask for them to pity you, without telling them how cruel you had been to me.

It was, and it will never be easy to have you as an enemy. Anyone who will feel hatred for you will definitely get real bad luck. But then, it's not easy to ask for apology when you are badly hurt. I guess I have to allow my self sometime to heal before saying that I'm sorry.

For now, I can only say sorry to you in my mind. I'm sorry that I didn't know that you'll be reacting this way for something that I did. I didn't anticipate that such a small thing to me can be a big issue to you.

Rest assured, I will not do anything of that kind anymore. I learned my lesson. Not everyone thinks and act the same way as I do. I should accept that no matter how close we are, we are still two different individuals. We both have our flaws, but you're never going to admit that.

Again, I'm sorry. If I can't tell you that I'm sorry as soon as possible, at least I said it through this post. I hope you will forgive me...

the past

Out of all the good we had
You only keep track of the bad..."

These are lines from one song revived by Jed Madela titled The Past. It relates how the singer wants for him and his girl to forget their not so good past. His sentiment is that they had a lot of good times together but the girl only remembers the bad.

Come to think of it. Is it not what happens to most of us? We always dwell on the past, and remember only the extreme. We either can't forget the best or we can't forget the worst. We do not give much value to what happens in our lives that seem to be ordinary. Therefore, we treasure our memories with some people who made us experience the best of the world. Then, we would like to forget the people who gave us a hell of a life.

Yet, we can't forget those people who gave us hell because it's the extreme...

So what happens to us if we always remember the best and the worst? Not only do we treasure the memories. Most of the times, we look up to those who gave us the best. We even treat them as our masters. On the other hand, we hate those that gave us hell to the extent of wishing them hell also.

"Did you think revenge will make it better?"

That would be another line in the song. To answer the question, we know things will not be better if we will seek for vengeance. There's no use cursing those who gave us hell. In the same manner that it's fine if we are grateful to those who made our dreams come true. There's no need for us to treat them as our masters and have ourselves enslaved by them.

I guess, what's best is for us to live our lives in a less complicated manner. Why don't we stop dwelling on the past and move on? Why don't we think about the last few lines of the song?

"One thing that I`m sure will work
That we haven`t tried before
Let`s not bring the past back anymore"

Even in the holy bible, we can see that the Lord has always been forgiving.

"And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." (Jeremiah 31:34)


The Past