perfect time

Blood on my underwear last Saturday was not a welcome sight for me. It reminded me of the miscarriage I had to go through in September. Somehow, I got traumatized with what happened that I don't want any thing to remind me of it. Aside from that, I was disappointed that I had to have my monthly period again after trying to get pregnant.

I was even excited thinking that I could have been pregnant again. I did not use the overpass for quite a few days and opted to use the pedestrian lane whenever I cross the street lately. When I felt dizzy in some occasions, I felt happy thinking that it was one of the signs. I thought I should regularly take my vitamins. I also thought that I will not be engaging my self in strenuous activities.

I know I cannot push for whatever I want. No matter how I want to conceive, the decision is not mine alone. At the end of the day, it's the Lord's will that matters here. He will be the one deciding if I should conceive and give birth once again. He will be the one who will make things happen, according to His plans.

I guess I'm too desperate about this when in fact I should not be. There's no reason for me to be in a hurry. All of us in the household would want to see a new addition to the family. However, I'm the only one who is so eager to have another baby. They are all patiently waiting while I'm so persistent in trying.

Come to think of it, God must have known that there are a lot of things we have to consider before trying to conceive again. Not only do we have a lot of debts to pay, we also have a monthly amortization to take care of now. God probably thought that we should settle our debts first and for us to be more stable before having another baby. Of course, He wants us to be able to provide our baby with all of his/her needs when the time comes that He will give the baby to us.

"Baby, it may not be the right time. I'm in a hurry, but I know I can wait. I believe that you will be coming into our lives in God's perfect time!"

this time I will win

Why do they have to make things difficult for me? All I am asking for is to get my maternity benefit. Is it not my right as a member of the organization?

What's wrong with them? Why do they even have to suspect that what happened to me was not a misfortune but planned?

I never wanted to have a miscarriage. Since the start of the year, my spouse and I have tried our best to conceive. We wanted to have a second baby so bad that I even nag him whenever I have my monthly period then. That is because I didn't want to have my monthly period at that time and wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. How can they be so cruel?

Why do they have to deny me of my maternity benefit? Why do they have to insist that there should have been a histopath and then conclude that I must have had an abortion that's why I don't have that document.

How the h*ll will I know that I needed that document to get a maternity benefit? In the first place, I never expected that my second pregnancy will result to a miscarriage. For quite some time, I believed that I will be giving birth to a healthy baby girl come February or March 2009. Nobody in the family wanted to lose our most awaited baby girl, specially me. I even had a name for her in as early as two years ago.

I don't remember the last time I cried because of this miscarriage. But now, I can't help it. I tried to be strong and take what happens as a challenge. Yet, I can't deny that this brings back the pain in my heart. I am so hurt thinking that I lost my baby no matter how we tried to save her. Then now what? Some people in the government who know nothing but graft and corruption will have the guts to think that I will lie about my miscarriage.

God forgive me. May those people be spared from the sufferings in life like the ones I had to go through. May they find it in their heart to believe that a miscarriage is so painful. There's no need for anyone to make up such a story for the amount of P30,000.00. I'd tell you, I will give anyone all the money in the world if I can only have my baby back.

I did not complain when SSS asked me too many documents after I delivered Boris before. I knew I was entitled to my maternity benefit then but I did not push for it because what is important is that I have our Boris. It's just that this time, I did not even have the chance to hug my little baby to compensate for all the troubles that I had to deal with. My spouse and I are in debt after the medicines and hospitalization. That maternity benefit is supposed to pay our debts. There's no way that they will be denying me that.

I don't know what to do any more. I can't think well. All I know is that, I can't and will not allow SSS to give me so much pain and agony. I will fight this battle and will do everything to win this time. Enough of their silly ways. I did not become a student of my alma mater for nothing.

If this has to be a tough battle, so be it. God will help me win this, I know...



you can open this link to see if SSS is asking for histopath anywhere in the requirements to reimburse your maternity benefit after a miscarriage/ abortion/pregnancy:
http://www.gov.ph/download/sss/mat2.pdf

(according to) God's plans

It has been all most a week since my last post. I tried to have a blog entry for the past days but was not able to come up with one. I had a very busy first week at work.

Yes, it's right. I have a new job. I have found a new job after five months of staying at home. Finally, I was able to find a day time call center job that would not require me to be awake at nights and asleep in the morning.

Don't get me wrong now. I loved my graveyard call center job with HSBC before. I had good salary, perks, benefits, and lovely friends. I had wonderful TLs and even got along with maintenance and security people. It's just that, I'm more used to waking up in the mornings and sleeping at nights. I had to leave that company because my health suffered when I was there. I just can't compromise my health any more just to have those that I had with HSBC. So there, I worked for an Australian account to have my life back.

I was with Acquire Asia Pacific for roughly five months. I wanted to stay there for good but there had been indifferences between me and some colleagues. I guess, I was not able to set aside my principles at that time in favor of my work. My rebellious nature got me resigning even before regularization. It was a blessing in disguise though, as I got pregnant and found out about it a month after resigning.

Then as some of you know, that pregnancy had to end with miscarriage. I was willing to stay at home and on bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy if needed. However, no amount of rest or caution saved my baby. Thus, I found my self busy looking for a new job a month after that incident.

My goal is to find a job at least before Christmas. I wanted to make sure that I will have enough funds to buy Christmas presents and goodies for everyone. My prayer then was, to have a day shift job to have a pretty normal life. But, I was willing to take a graveyard job again if there's nothing to fit me in the morning shift. Luckily, I found one that suits me.

Honestly, I am not going to receive the same salary or benefits that I used to enjoy with HSBC. Not even close to that from Acquire. I will be receiving less. But then again, it's not always about money. I told my self that this is better than having to settle for a night shift work again. At least, I can say that there's a lot of promise in this company as early as now. I know that if I will just be patient, I'll have what I believe I deserve here.

Hopefully, this time I will not be stubborn and resign again before regularization. Hopefully, this time I will be staying for good and build my career. Hopefully, things will turn positive, according to God's plans...

hate no more

If you frequently browse friendster profiles like me, you would see that there are a lot of things in common with people around you. They may not know each other but you will wonder why they have common likes and dislikes, aside from common friends.

One thing I noticed lately as I browse profiles and even blogs, a lot of people I know hate "plastics." My curiosity had me searching the net for the definition of plastic. (all though I know what it means) According to what I got, it was derived from a Greek word plastikos which means "fit for molding." Plastics are capable of being shaped accordingly, from bottles, plates, containers, films, and a lot more.

Now, plastic is also a term commonly used in the Philippines to refer to other people. It is used to refer to people who are capable of being good in front of someone and then become the total opposite when that someone is not around. It is probably used that way because plastics are molded on whichever way, just like how a plastic person can make him/her self project however they want.

I agree that being true to one's self and to others is all most always necessary for relationships to grow. However, I cannot completely agree that being plastic is such a negative attitude. Not that I am plastic my self, or that I tolerate plastic people. Nonetheless, if you will try to understand how you and the people around you behave, you may understand why they act as such. Probably, you will realize that in one way or the other you acted the same way. That you were, or probably still are plastic up to now.

I cannot speak for everyone, but at least I can speak for my self. I had been plastic at some time because I chose to be. Yet, it's not something I did for the sake of pretending. I chose to show only my best to some people because I knew that not every one can understand me at my worst.Aside from that, I had to be that way to prevent any fights or misunderstandings. But then, it doesn't mean that I wanted to fool anyone. I just had to control my negative side.

You may even think that this is about me defending my self because I am plastic, or that I have people around hating me. Honestly, I know for a fact that I am brutally frank a lot of times. That is one reason why there are those who hate me, and not because of being plastic. One thing I am sure though, is that I don't want anyone to hate me anymore. Just like I don't want to have hatred in my heart anymore.

After all of what happened to me and my family in the last few months, I learned that anger and hatred don't lead to anything good. So, if you will hate people because they are plastic, brutally frank, liars, prettier, sexier, stronger, smarter, or whatever it is, there's nothing good that you can get.

Maybe it's about time that we stop hating plastics, and just accept that everyone is God's creation. Everyone, whether good or bad, is only answerable to God.

of being great

One of my cousins asked for help in one of her school requirements and I gladly obliged. She was supposed to present a book report about the book The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino.

It was an inspiring story and I thought I should share some excerpts and my own interpretation of the 10 scrolls which are the secrets of success in becoming a great salesman, or a great person as a whole.

Scroll 1: Today, I begin a new life. We should begin a new life each day because there’s an opportunity for success every day. Therefore, we are bound to commit our selves to make the most out of that opportunity that each day presents.

Scroll 2: I will greet this day with love in my heart. I guess this may sound cliché, but love is indeed a very powerful tool in everything that we do. If we have love in our hearts, then we can use that love to take away any hatred or anger from our hearts and therefore have positive response to everyone around.

Scroll 3: I will persist until I succeed. This means that we should not have a room for quitting, failure, or retreat because if we persist long enough, we will win.

Scroll 4: I am nature’s greatest miracle. It is as simple as believing in one’s self and that every one should capitalize on our own uniqueness because there’s no one else like you or me.

Scroll 5: I will live this day as if it is my last. This implies that working on the present day is more important than thinking about the past or the future for this day may also be our last. Therefore, our last should be our best.

Scroll 6: Today I will be the master of my emotions. It just means that we should not be controlled by our emotions. Instead, we should know how to address the circumstances where we find ourselves in and make sure we stay focused.

Scroll 7: I will laugh at the world. This is saying that we should be laughing more and have positive attitude towards things because we must have happiness to enjoy our success. Besides, laughter is the best medicine...

Scroll 8: Today I will multiply my value a hundred fold. It is implying that we set our goals in life for each day, week, month, and years and set them high. Then, the best performances of the past should be aimed to multiply a hundred fold. We just can’t settle for anything less.

Scroll 9: I will act now. It is as simple as putting our dreams into reality by following them up with actions. What will be the good of planning and dreaming if we will not act on them? Am I right?

Scroll 10: Pray for guidance. Of course, it is self-explanatory that in everything that we do, we do not have the guarantee that we will really succeed. Therefore, we should seek God’s guidance and pray that he gives us what we need. He may have different ways as to how He will answer our prayers but He will definitely give us what’s best for us.

the book cover

nursing mom again

"Breastfeeding is still best for babies up to two years and beyond."

I remembered this line from infant formula commercials as I think about the weird dream I had the other night.

In that dream, someone I know just gave birth. Then, one day she left her baby to my care because she has important matters to attend to. I was so happy to have a baby even for one day only so I gladly obliged.

Then, for some reason I nursed the baby and had milk. It was such a lovely feeling to have breast milk once again and to be able to feed a baby. I felt how bonded I was with the baby at that time and it seemed like she is my own flesh and blood.

Unfortunately, that was just a dream. I woke up and had the images of my dream to feel happy about. At least, for some time I became a nursing mom again to an infant. It was one of the nicest things in becoming a mother. Hopefully, that can still turn to reality in God's time.

For the meantime, I have to focus on becoming the best mother to my son Boris. I may not have the ability to nurse him anymore, but I still have the privilege to treat him like a baby. For now, he allows me to baby him and I should maximize on that.

To the mothers out there who have babies less than two years old, I hope that you would breastfeed your babies. Our mammary glands are wonderful gifts from God that our babies should have as their primary source of food. Or do you want your husbands to just get all the benefits? It's up to you, but think about it...

reward

Was there a time in your life when you did something good and wished that you could be rewarded?

When I was a child, I always do good (which is what my parents want me to do) in as much as I could. However, I wasn’t really after any material rewards. What I was hoping for then is that they would be happy and proud of me. I just thought that it’s my responsibility to do so.

Well, I believe I was a good daughter during my childhood days. My parents had always told everyone that I was the best daughter that anyone can have. Of course, that’s enough of a proof to say that I succeeded in making them happy and proud of me. (or is it?)

Now that I am not a child any more, I don’t do good just because of my parents. I still consider what they feel and what they taught me. Nonetheless, it’s my spouse and son who inspire me to do good. They are the reasons why I would like to do better than what’s expected of me. Hopefully, I don’t get to fail them.

I want them to be proud of me just like my parents. I am not asking for any thing. I don’t even ask that they tell the world how fortunate they are to have me. All I aspire is that by doing good, I am becoming a good mother and spouse.

I believe that by becoming a good daughter, mother, and spouse, I have become a good creation of God. Therefore, I become worthy of His love and His promises…

thanks

It has been four weeks since the day I lost my darling little angel Beatrice Enna. With God's help and my family and friends' support, I am better now and has recovered physically. I know I will never heal completely in the sense that there will always be a little part of me that will feel the pain upon remembering her. However, I can safely say that I am also better emotionally and is now ready to face the world.

Hello world! I'm back. I am ready to go back to what I had been doing before. God made me a stronger person and I will not fail Him this time. To God be the glory, because at this point in my life, I have witnessed His unconditional love. May He be with me as I begin another chapter in my life. I hope and pray that He will allow me to fulfill my dreams for my self and my family in the near future.

My angel Beatrice, please always remind mommy of God's love so that I will not be in the wrong path any more...

To Barry, Boris, mommy, daddy, kuya, Bong, tita Evelyn, tita Aida, tita Silda, Vince, MJ, Daisy, Lovely, Elaine, Cynthia, Lentot, Lenlen, Lindsay, Apple, Yeth, Mags, Alma, Riza, Cecille, Elai, Bhelle, AJ, pareng Elo, Remily, Donna, mama Vicky, papa Jimmy, (and other friends and family that I forgot to mention, I'm sorry) specially to Dr. Danilo Centeno and his staff, thank you so much for everything. Of course, thank You Lord for Your love and for giving me my family and friends... I love you everyone!

humble servant

Let me share a scripture I read today. "A man's pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor" (Proverbs 29:23)

This is something that I am very aware of since I was a kid. However, I was one of the proud guys people around me know of. Not that I boast everything to everybody, but I know to my self that I am good at a lot of things. So, I usually don't bow down to anybody, nor do I follow everything that I'm being told to do. I must admit that my pride got me in conflict with people such as my parents, brothers, spouse, colleagues, and even bosses at work.

When I had my miscarriage four weeks ago, I realized how bad I've become because of my pride. It was like a movie wherein I had a flash back of what happened in my past. I felt terrible thinking that I could have been a better person had I set aside my pride a lot of times. I could have been a better human being had I followed the scriptures.

I know I cannot turn the time back. Yet, I'm aware that I can have a better future now that I've accepted that I am nothing without God. I am His humble servant and I can only be the best of what and who I want to be when I have Him in my life...


if I can only be as humble as a kid just like my sone Boris here always...

Redeemer

I got this from one of my friends. I hope you'd like it as I did. This is to proclaim God's greatness.

I am Nothing

"I am my Lord's humble servant. I am nothing without Him."

This is what I realized when it seemed that nothing seemed right and everything was wrong a few weeks ago. As you know, I had a miscarriage all most three weeks ago. I felt so low that I even thought that I wanted to die and just leave everyone. I wanted to be spared from what I was going through then, even if it might mean death for me.

Some people may understand what I've been through. Some people may have had worse experience that they'd just think I'm not strong enough. Honestly, I felt then that no matter how brave I thought I was, I was too scared when things slowly got out of place. I felt like I was slowly being torn apart into pieces. I really wanted to die...

God made His move though, because I felt the need to live no matter what was going on. Yes, I was still scared then, but God gave me enough strength to face what came my way. He made me brave enough to let go of my baby and leave everything upon Him. He gave me all the reasons to live and realize that it wasn't the end of the world, even if I felt like it was.

After Him taking away my baby, I was so depressed. I was in fact, totally devastated inside. I had so many questions that I never dared to ask God so I just searched the internet for answers. I knew I didn't have any right to question God so I just asked my self if there were things that I should/shouldn't have done. I cried for countless nights thinking what ifs and imagining the scenarios had my baby been able to survive.

While going through the series of bleeding and pelvic pains before the actual miscarriage, it was God who was with me all the time. I will forever be grateful to my spouse Barry, my son Boris, my parents, brothers, relatives, and friends for being there showing all the love and support. However, it is God who deserves all the credit for making me a better person after all of these. It is He who gave me peace of mind every time I was scared and worried. His scriptures gave me reason to smile in spite of all the pain.

Three weeks after losing my darling little Beatrice, I must say that I am better. I don't cry as much as I used to thinking about her. I can look at her pictures now without having to cry or feel bad. I can relate the story to some people without having to cry a river. I smile more often, and even manage to have fun with the family.

God is good, because I was blessed. I may not have the chance to hold my baby in my arms, but I know I have an angel to watch over me and my loved ones. I know, she's there, somewhere... She's keeping an eye on me to remind me of God's greatness.

Because I was blessed, I would like to share this:

"Though the LORD is on high, yet He regards the lowly; but the proud He knows from afar" (Psalm 138:6).

Take time to ponder... God bless us all.

hope

I will wait on the LORD…and I will hope in Him…Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!…Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD. (Isaiah 8:17; Psalm 27:14; 31:24)

The Lord's Grace

I want to share excerpts of what I read in the day by day grace from blueletterbible.org.

David Confessing the Lord as His God

I hear the slander of many; Fear is on every side; While they take counsel together against me, They scheme to take away my life. But as for me, I trust in You, O LORD; I say, "You are my God." (Psalm 31:13-14)

I was never a king like David, but at one point in my life I also felt like everyone was up against me. I felt like people were doing everything to ruin me, and wanted me out of their lives.

My principle then was, "if people don't like me, I won't mind.I won't like them either. They're not my loss."

After all of the things that happened in my life for the past few months, I learned my mistakes. I learned that my attitude then towards the people who don't like me was never acceptable. I could have done things for people to like me, or for them to at least not feel any indifference towards me. I was so selfish in thinking that I don't need them to like me. I may not die with people not liking me. I may not lose much if they don't like me. Yet, i'm still losing the opportunity to know them, gain friends, or learn new things. I'm losing the opportunity to share what I've got.

I know I cannot, and will never be able to please everyone around me. There may still be people who would not like me and would want to see me fall. However, I still have the option to turn things around and make them realize that I can be likable. Or at least, make them realize that there's no use disliking me.

This is the prayer for the day that comes along with the excerpts:

Dear Lord, I also want to confess You as my God when I face opposition or attack. Even when my heart is aching from the most painful betrayals, I want to confess You as the sovereign Master, who is in control of every aspect of my life, Amen.

Now, this is my personal prayer:

Dear Lord, I believe in You as my Savior and my God. I am sorry for allowing people to have hatred or any indifference towards me. In spite all of the pains and sufferings I've been through, I want to let You know that I am Your servant. Lead me Lord, and I will follow You.


credits from http://www.blueletterbible.org/daybyday/09/0912.html

I died... (and lived)

I died. Slowly, and painfully, over and over again.

I don't know if it's called exaggeration or over-acting, but that's how I felt for the past few weeks. It started when I had those blood clots and pelvic pains three weeks ago. I was so afraid thinking that I might have a miscarriage and lose our baby. We followed all of the doctor's instructions and I took all of the prescriptions to make sure that we will be able to save our baby. Each and every day, I prayed to God that He keep our baby safe and make every thing all right.

I had to be on bed rest. I rarely made time to sit in front of the computer. I made sure I'm relaxed and worry free all the time. I even told my self that I will never entertain anger in my heart for the duration of my pregnancy. I even told God that I will do whatever it takes to make sure that our baby is safe.

I was lucky enough to have the support and prayers of my dear friends. I was so grateful that my family and my spouse have always been with me in each and every step of the way. They have all been helpful for me to go through each day of uncertainty and hope.

I learned to seek God's help more often as the days passed. I found my self holding the bible day in and day out, hoping that the scriptures will help me feel better. I was telling God then that I will be a better wife and mother, and a better person as a whole. I made promises to God in hope that He will be delighted and take care of our baby.

Two weeks after that fearful morning that I had blood clots and pelvic pains, I woke up feeling the pain again. I was so afraid to pee that Sunday morning because I didn't want to see any blood. To my dismay, there was blood. It wasn't as much as before, but I was afraid I had to get the bible and pray. I told my mom as soon as she woke up and asked her to call a doctor.

I was brought to the doctor late that afternoon and admitted at his clinic for confinement. I was given intravenous fluids because the doctor said that I was dehydrated and then had an ultrasound later.

The sonologist said that our baby is still breathing and moving. However, I saw in her eyes that there's something wrong. My doctor then approached us and checked the ultrasound himself. He then asked that I be brought back to my bed.

A few minutes after, my doctor approached my husband and I and talked to us regarding the ultrasound results. He then said that I have a myoma (uterine fibroid) which prevents our baby from moving upwards to the right place in my uterus. He said that our baby is not secured in the place where she is. (which is almost near my cervix) Then, in a low voice he said that he will be honest to tell us that "the chances of our baby being saved is 50-50."

Bang! I felt like I was shot. I didn't know how to react. My husband had to hold my hand firmly as we try to understand what the doctor said. We thought everything will be all right upon knowing that she's fine in that ultrasound but we were wrong.

I can't explain what happened after. All I know is that my mom said later that I had to give our baby to the Lord because it seemed that there's nothing we can do. She said that my spouse and I must leave everything to God because with the myoma in my womb, our baby had little chance of surviving. I was crying like a baby as she tried to explain that my son Boris needs me more than a sister so I have to accept what fate has to offer.

That night, I hardly had time to sleep as I pray to God that His will be done. The pelvic pain went on as well as more blood clots. I held on to the bible as often as I could and hoped that there will be a miracle or something. I also told God that if our baby will survive this, I hope that she will survive all the way to the ninth month. Or if not, then let her not suffer much time in my womb, only to die. I was like crazy, because in my mind I was thinking that it's okay if I will die for as long as my daughter will live, but on the other side I was thinking that I am willing to give my daughter to the Lord because Boris needs me more.

That Monday, I had to go through so much physical and emotional pain brought by the situation. I felt like being tortured, and even killed over and over again. The doctor said that there's medicine in my IV fluids to stop the bleeding and pelvic pains but it just went on. The doctor then said, "I guess we can't save the baby anymore."

Bang! I was shot again. I told the doctor that we've accepted the situation and are prepared to face whatever happens. Yet, I know that I was still convincing my self that things will be all right. My spouse can only hug me tight and show his unwavering love and support even though I saw in his eyes that he wanted to cry.

That Monday night up until the dawn of Tuesday, I felt labor pains that really made me cry. I was so down I wanted to die. I was killed over and over thinking that all of the sufferings and physical pains I had to endure were not in any way going to save our baby.

Finally, I delivered our baby as I peed around five in the morning. I died for the nth time and only God knows how I wanted to see our baby. But, I wanted to see her alive, and not in that state. She was so small and fragile. The doctor had to bring me to the delivery room for the d and c. (dilation and curettage) I was thinking then that I want to be sedated right away for me to be unconscious of what had just happened.

I woke up a few hours later and was brought back to my hospital bed. When the effect of the anesthesia was gone, I was brought back to reality. I held on to Barry and he hugged me tight. Then I cried a river uttering "baby ko." ( my baby!) He can only offer his warm embrace as I repeatedly uttered those words, hoping that I will be able to accept what happened.

Moving forward to this day, a week after that fateful day of my miscarriage. I asked my self if I'm okay. The answer is an indefinite yes. I am coping and trying to live a "normal" life. I know that God is faithful to His promises and that the things happened for a reason. I am not blaming any body for what occurred. Yet, I can't deny that I still feel like dying over and over again.

I don't know when will I ever stop crying, and thinking what could have been if she didn't die. I am healing my self and living each day with endless prayers. I thank God each day for my friends, family, and most specially Barry and Boris who made me feel blessed in spite of everything that went on.

I died so many times, but lived and will live so many times also. That is because for that short span of time that I had this whole experience, I became closer to my family and to God. God gave me hope that there will be a brighter day. He made me realize that I was blessed enough to have a meaningful three months of pregnancy that changed my life for the better, which will be forever.


As for our baby who we named Beatrice Enna, her memory will always remind us to be humble upon the Lord. She may not be around but her short existence is enough to prove to us that God is good, all the time.



I asked the Lord for strength with endless prayers
and reading the bible that day that I was confined

a mother's prayer

Dear God,

It's been some time since I last prayed through a letter. This time, through my blog.

First, I want to thank You for all of the blessings You have been giving me and my family, and my beloved Philippines also. I know that we do not get what we want always, but You give us what we need.

Second, I thank You for giving me another chance at pregnancy. I thank You because You're giving us another chance to be parents to another baby.

Third, I want to thank You that I'm still fine, even though I've been through a lot of difficulties for the past eight weeks. I thank You that I'm getting the support that I need from my family and friends.

Fourth, if it's not too much to ask, I hope that You give me enough strength to manage all of the hardships that comes along with this pregnancy. I hope that I'd be better on the coming days and be freed from my sickness that has been making things more difficult for me for four weeks. I hope that my illness will go away as I approach the last week of my first trimester.

Fifth, I hope that I'd be healthy by the coming days so that my baby in my womb will also be healthy. At the same time, I want to be healthy to be able to help my spouse in our responsibilities as parents to our Boris and our little angel. Again, if it's not too much to ask, I want to go back to work to have enough savings for our future expenses.

As always, I thank You for a very loving kid that I have in Boris and a spouse who loves me as much in Barry.

Lastly, I promise to keep my covenant with You the other night. This time, I'd make sure that a promise is a promise to be kept.

Your child,
Ruby Anne