the past

Out of all the good we had
You only keep track of the bad..."

These are lines from one song revived by Jed Madela titled The Past. It relates how the singer wants for him and his girl to forget their not so good past. His sentiment is that they had a lot of good times together but the girl only remembers the bad.

Come to think of it. Is it not what happens to most of us? We always dwell on the past, and remember only the extreme. We either can't forget the best or we can't forget the worst. We do not give much value to what happens in our lives that seem to be ordinary. Therefore, we treasure our memories with some people who made us experience the best of the world. Then, we would like to forget the people who gave us a hell of a life.

Yet, we can't forget those people who gave us hell because it's the extreme...

So what happens to us if we always remember the best and the worst? Not only do we treasure the memories. Most of the times, we look up to those who gave us the best. We even treat them as our masters. On the other hand, we hate those that gave us hell to the extent of wishing them hell also.

"Did you think revenge will make it better?"

That would be another line in the song. To answer the question, we know things will not be better if we will seek for vengeance. There's no use cursing those who gave us hell. In the same manner that it's fine if we are grateful to those who made our dreams come true. There's no need for us to treat them as our masters and have ourselves enslaved by them.

I guess, what's best is for us to live our lives in a less complicated manner. Why don't we stop dwelling on the past and move on? Why don't we think about the last few lines of the song?

"One thing that I`m sure will work
That we haven`t tried before
Let`s not bring the past back anymore"

Even in the holy bible, we can see that the Lord has always been forgiving.

"And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more." (Jeremiah 31:34)


The Past

I am Nothing

"I am my Lord's humble servant. I am nothing without Him."

This is what I realized when it seemed that nothing seemed right and everything was wrong a few weeks ago. As you know, I had a miscarriage all most three weeks ago. I felt so low that I even thought that I wanted to die and just leave everyone. I wanted to be spared from what I was going through then, even if it might mean death for me.

Some people may understand what I've been through. Some people may have had worse experience that they'd just think I'm not strong enough. Honestly, I felt then that no matter how brave I thought I was, I was too scared when things slowly got out of place. I felt like I was slowly being torn apart into pieces. I really wanted to die...

God made His move though, because I felt the need to live no matter what was going on. Yes, I was still scared then, but God gave me enough strength to face what came my way. He made me brave enough to let go of my baby and leave everything upon Him. He gave me all the reasons to live and realize that it wasn't the end of the world, even if I felt like it was.

After Him taking away my baby, I was so depressed. I was in fact, totally devastated inside. I had so many questions that I never dared to ask God so I just searched the internet for answers. I knew I didn't have any right to question God so I just asked my self if there were things that I should/shouldn't have done. I cried for countless nights thinking what ifs and imagining the scenarios had my baby been able to survive.

While going through the series of bleeding and pelvic pains before the actual miscarriage, it was God who was with me all the time. I will forever be grateful to my spouse Barry, my son Boris, my parents, brothers, relatives, and friends for being there showing all the love and support. However, it is God who deserves all the credit for making me a better person after all of these. It is He who gave me peace of mind every time I was scared and worried. His scriptures gave me reason to smile in spite of all the pain.

Three weeks after losing my darling little Beatrice, I must say that I am better. I don't cry as much as I used to thinking about her. I can look at her pictures now without having to cry or feel bad. I can relate the story to some people without having to cry a river. I smile more often, and even manage to have fun with the family.

God is good, because I was blessed. I may not have the chance to hold my baby in my arms, but I know I have an angel to watch over me and my loved ones. I know, she's there, somewhere... She's keeping an eye on me to remind me of God's greatness.

Because I was blessed, I would like to share this:

"Though the LORD is on high, yet He regards the lowly; but the proud He knows from afar" (Psalm 138:6).

Take time to ponder... God bless us all.