Blood on my underwear last Saturday was not a welcome sight for me. It reminded me of the miscarriage I had to go through in September. Somehow, I got traumatized with what happened that I don't want any thing to remind me of it. Aside from that, I was disappointed that I had to have my monthly period again after trying to get pregnant.
I was even excited thinking that I could have been pregnant again. I did not use the overpass for quite a few days and opted to use the pedestrian lane whenever I cross the street lately. When I felt dizzy in some occasions, I felt happy thinking that it was one of the signs. I thought I should regularly take my vitamins. I also thought that I will not be engaging my self in strenuous activities.
I know I cannot push for whatever I want. No matter how I want to conceive, the decision is not mine alone. At the end of the day, it's the Lord's will that matters here. He will be the one deciding if I should conceive and give birth once again. He will be the one who will make things happen, according to His plans.
I guess I'm too desperate about this when in fact I should not be. There's no reason for me to be in a hurry. All of us in the household would want to see a new addition to the family. However, I'm the only one who is so eager to have another baby. They are all patiently waiting while I'm so persistent in trying.
Come to think of it, God must have known that there are a lot of things we have to consider before trying to conceive again. Not only do we have a lot of debts to pay, we also have a monthly amortization to take care of now. God probably thought that we should settle our debts first and for us to be more stable before having another baby. Of course, He wants us to be able to provide our baby with all of his/her needs when the time comes that He will give the baby to us.
"Baby, it may not be the right time. I'm in a hurry, but I know I can wait. I believe that you will be coming into our lives in God's perfect time!"
I was even excited thinking that I could have been pregnant again. I did not use the overpass for quite a few days and opted to use the pedestrian lane whenever I cross the street lately. When I felt dizzy in some occasions, I felt happy thinking that it was one of the signs. I thought I should regularly take my vitamins. I also thought that I will not be engaging my self in strenuous activities.
I know I cannot push for whatever I want. No matter how I want to conceive, the decision is not mine alone. At the end of the day, it's the Lord's will that matters here. He will be the one deciding if I should conceive and give birth once again. He will be the one who will make things happen, according to His plans.
I guess I'm too desperate about this when in fact I should not be. There's no reason for me to be in a hurry. All of us in the household would want to see a new addition to the family. However, I'm the only one who is so eager to have another baby. They are all patiently waiting while I'm so persistent in trying.
Come to think of it, God must have known that there are a lot of things we have to consider before trying to conceive again. Not only do we have a lot of debts to pay, we also have a monthly amortization to take care of now. God probably thought that we should settle our debts first and for us to be more stable before having another baby. Of course, He wants us to be able to provide our baby with all of his/her needs when the time comes that He will give the baby to us.
"Baby, it may not be the right time. I'm in a hurry, but I know I can wait. I believe that you will be coming into our lives in God's perfect time!"
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